


Cos nothing I have is truly mine

by Jinx



Series: Hurricane Drunk [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Stiles centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 23:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinx/pseuds/Jinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles no longer belongs to himself, people have claimed little territories within him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cos nothing I have is truly mine

**Author's Note:**

> This is a small fic that is Stiles centric, it might become Sterek later on but for right now the plot line is not very nice or happy. This is sort of a song-fic. The title of this part is taken from Dido's song Life for rent. It was also in some ways the fuel to the muse. Most of the other stories in this verse are based around a set play list. It isn't beta read at all and like most of my drabbles probably wont be. 
> 
> There are some things that might be triggers for some. The story does mention cutting, while I have cut in the past it isn't something I endorse even though I understand the need to do it. Ummm.... not sure what else I should put here. Other then I hope you like it.

He’s full of them, little things that aren’t his own. Stories, memories, emotions, histories. It’s like he’s for rent and everyone is buying up space, taking up space till there is nothing left for him.

He’s full of secrets, hidden inside of himself, hidden away so that for the most part not even he could find them. His mother’s smiles, the way her perfume intermixed with her natural seeming scent of vanilla and pine, the surprising roughness of her fingers, the way she laughed with all of her being; all of it twined together and imbedded against the insides of his ribs. The way his fathers eyes used to light up when he saw him, the way his smile used to be easy, the deep full warm chuckle that would shake his shoulders, the way he used to tell him he was proud of him… contained with in a sphere of glass hidden in the bones of his left wrist. Their love, the memory of it, the way they used to look at each other; like nothing else existed for them but each other… that’s all hidden away and bundled up in worn fabric that smells of peppermint pressed into the length of his collar bones, held tight near his heart. Even if its not for him.

His calves are hallowed out and filled with all of Scott’s and his childhood secrets, their first try of a cigarette no matter that it aggravated both their asthma Scott’s more so then his, the cd Scott stole from the music store on a dare from him, the aftermath of them getting caught, the first time he brought a bottle of whiskey out into the woods for them, where the bruises on their chest and shoulders really came from, Scott being bitten and becoming a werewolf, dating Allison, sleeping with her. All of those secrets housed with in the marrow of his calves.

His spine has secrets woven between his spinal cord and his vertebrae, all the secrets he knows not just of himself but of everything around him, all the secrets he’s found on those he calls friends, pack, family. He keeps them hidden there woven tight into his being, sheltered and safe. He wont ever speak them out loud, there woven too deeply into his marrow for them to pass his lips. The wards he carved into the Hale house, into the bottom of their shoes, into secret hidden spots all to keep them safe. But there are other secrets there too, secrets about the scars on his wrists and inner thighs, about how he’s breathing through lungs filled with water and not air. How the mirror in the bathroom really got broken, how many pills are left in the bottle of Adderall, how little sleep he gets but still presses on. Where Erica and Boyd’s loyalties lay, all of Issac’s secrets that he thinks no one knows. Jackson’s true feelings for himself, where his dad hides his unregistered gun that only houses a single bullet.

He keeps the secret of how much pain he is in locked away and hidden in the base of his right heel, it barely pings at him now. It only took months for him to get himself to forget about that dark little secret but the cuts are helping. The cuts are their own little secret, the way they help manage all the other pain, the lies that spill like honey from his lips, all the secrets that are locked away inside of himself. No one knows about them though he’s sure the pack can smell blood on him all the time now but no one mentions it or questions him on it. He tells them he’s fine and they all take it at face value, they don’t bother listening for the lie.

He hides Derek’s secrets behind his eyes because no one looks to see if anything is there, no one bothers to see if he’s telling the truth or if he knows anything. After all when put side by side he is nothing compared to them. He is expendable, he is the weakest link, the one who can be used to teach them a lesson. But that too is a miscalculation after all no one came for him did they? No one stops to see if he’s still able to breath when he’s so filled up with secrets and his lungs are filled with water.

All of these Secrets are making him heavy, making it hard to walk to the point it feels as if his feet are dragging through the dirt six feet deep. He’s just a skeleton holding the secrets of his world inside of him, he’s nothing important and when he does get buried six feet under he’ll take the secrets with him.

After all Dead men tell no tales and he’s not even his own being, he is the property of the pack, the property of Beacon hills and everyone is taking up space. Cause everything he is doesn’t even belong to him any more. They all take him for granted, joke about him, and baby him because he is human. Because he doesn’t have their strength, their healing, their skill never mind that its him who saves them all.

Nothing he has is his own, he is just their secret keeper and because he cares, because they are important, his family he’ll just keep on hording their secrets and making sure they survive.

His own survival is secondary.


End file.
